


If I Understand you Correctly

by KaCole



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Emotions, Endgame fix it, Episode Fix-It: s07e25 Endgame (Star Trek: Voyager), Episode: s07e25 Endgame (Star Trek: Voyager), F/M, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 06:10:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20652473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaCole/pseuds/KaCole
Summary: After they arrive in the Alpha Sector, Chakotay confronts Kathryn about her recent behaviour.





	If I Understand you Correctly

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm back in the writing game again, and the final part of Lies We Told is with my wonderful beta reader.  
Here's something that's been on my mind for a while...

_ USS Voyager  _ was three hours and fifty four minutes out from Earth. For so long, Chakotay had pictured this moment: he and Kathryn sitting side by side, jubilant at their homecoming, but the reality fell brutally short. She was hiding in her ready room, and he felt empty. She'd worn a distracted look since the moment Admiral Janeway arrived, and Kathryn still wouldn’t meet his eyes. 

And to cap it all, as she had ordered him to relieve Tom at the helm, she’d actually called him  _ Mr Chakotay, _ as if the past seven years had evaporated the moment that Borg Cube ripped its way into the Alpha Quadrant.

It rankled. 

No, it hurt. Damn it, it cut him to the bone, just like so many other snubs she’d delivered the last few months. He curled his fingers into a fist, and then let them loose. Then he raked his fingers through his hair, clamped his jaw tight shut, and shifted in his seat. Nothing made him feel any better. 

There was only one solution. He had to talk to Kathryn.

He turned to Ayala, who was monitoring feeds and transmissions on the back of the bridge, grinning from ear to ear half of the time. “Mike, take over the helm.”

“Aye, sir.”

Chakotay stood up, and jaw firmly set, he strode towards the captain’s ready room. She’d been holed up in there long enough.

As she called for him to enter, he had no clue what he was actually going to say. A nebulous feeling that had driven him here, a sense of something unfinished, unresolved. But he didn't know how to fix things today any more than he had yesterday. He swore silently. 

Kathryn sat awkwardly on her sofa, twisting behind her to stare at the blue speck beyond her window. Earth. Everything they had worked for these past Seven years. 

Her face was blank, held in a mask for a second, and then she smiled. It didn’t reach her eyes. “What can I do for you, Commander?”

“Congratulations, Captain. You did it. Got everyone home.”

“Not everyone.”

“No. We lost too many good people along the way for this to feel like a complete victory.”

Silence fell around them like a shroud.

“Tom and B’Elanna’s baby is doing fine,” he eventually said into the silence.

She looked up, but didn’t smile. “Is that what you came in here to report?”

“No. Damn it, Kathryn. The Admiral. Her plan worked, and here we are. But I can’t help thinking that there are things you haven’t told me.”

“There are,” she said flatly. “Temporal Prime—”

“You don’t trust me.”

“This isn’t about trust.”

“Then what is it about?”

“One of the nice things about being the captain, is there are some questions you don’t have to answer,” she said flatly, echoing words she had said with a twinkle at the start of their journey, when he had asked her if their situations had been reversed, would she have served under him. Now, her blank eyes drifted back to the window. It was as if the last seven years meant nothing at all.

“Damn it! Don’t do that, Kathryn, don’t erase our relationship. Not after all we’ve been through.” An uncharacteristic bitterness seeped into his heart, and he couldn’t hold it back. “I knew you never had feelings for me the way I wanted you to, but I’m starting to wonder if you ever cared for me at all.”

She snapped her head towards him. “I did care for you, of course I did.”

“Not enough.” He regretted his words as soon as they were out of his mouth, because Kathryn looked genuinely stricken. 

“No. That's not it. Just the opposite. If anything, I cared for you too much. How could I indulge my own needs when we had to survive and get home? I’ve done things I’m not proud of, Chakotay." She sighed deeply, rubbing her eyes. "I need to wash out the black stain this journey has left on my soul, I know it. I'm just not sure how.”

He shook his head, a little irritated in spite of himself. Did she still think she was alone? "I'll help, Kathryn,” he said wearily. “I'll always help, if you’ll let me.”

She laughed stiffly. "I'm sure you'll be pretty busy. Making a life." Her voice hardened. "...with Seven."

"You know about me and Seven." He made the statement flatly, hiding the slight surprise he felt. He hadn't been sure, but he suspected —perhaps even hoped— that she'd noticed his blossoming romance with her protegee. Part of him  _ needed _ her to notice him making one last ditch attempt to get her attention that would either cement the utter failure of their personal relationship, or jolt her out of her emotional void. He wasn't exactly proud of himself, but he  _ did _ have genuine warm feelings for Seven. And Kathryn? Well, he'd tried everything he could think of to reach her. Nothing had worked.

She stared at him. “This is the cost of my vanity, I suppose. Thinking you’d wait.” She laughed, turned away. “Frankly, it’s no more than I deserve.” She waved a hand, trying to dismiss him, he suspected, without actually using the word  _ dismissed _ . Trying to be kind. Give him a way out.

He'd had a chance, once, to tell her how he really felt, in a small cabin by a forest when duty had been a distant memory, and their only responsibilities had been to each other. But instead, he'd spoken in riddles. Well, no more ancient legends. They would be in Earth's orbit in less than four hours. It was crunch time. 

He steeled his jaw. She'd  _ never _ ask him to stop seeing Seven. Not Kathryn Janeway, the great self-sacrificer who put everyone's needs before her own. He had to find a way to put the ineffable feelings floating between them into words. 

He took a tentative step forwards. "Give me a reason, Kathryn. One solid reason to step away from Seven, and I'll do it in a heartbeat, you know I will."

She scrunched her face in a pained expression. "I can't ask you to do that."

His blood rose at the mixed message. She  _ wanted _ to ask him, but she wouldn't? Still holding back. Well, he was done dancing around her. 

"Why not?" he demanded. "We're not in the Delta Quadrant now. Over the next few days you're going to have more Starfleet backup than you know what to do with."

"It's not just about me! You've all been through hell. Lost so many good friends. You deserve a little peace, a little happiness." 

She rose and started to pace away, but he caught her arm.  "Guess what?” he said in a low rumble. “So do you."

Alarm flashed in her eyes.

He loosened his grip, but he didn’t let go. "So do you," he said, more quietly this time. "I ask you again, Kathryn Janeway. Give me a reason to step away from Seven."

Something broke in her then. Her blue eyes widened and shone, and he realised she was biting back tears. Her muscles slackened, and for a moment he tensed, ready to catch her if she faltered. But she didn't. She took a breath, squared her shoulders, and looked him straight in the eye.

"I'll give you a lifetime of reasons," she said, her voice as clear as he'd ever heard it. "I'll tell you I'm sorry a thousand times, and that I love you a thousand times more. I'll stay with you. Always. If you want me." She continued to stare at him, but her chin dropped, and her tone softened. "If it's too late for us, then I'll understand. And wish you and Seven every happiness."

His world narrowed to the blue of her eyes and the sound of his own heart pounding. They had stood this close before, but never with so much fire in her eyes, nor heat coursing through him. Time spun out to an eternity. He could only whisper, "Kathryn."

She stared at him, her eyes bright, shoulders taut. He realised she was holding her breath, waiting for his answer, a microcosm of all the waiting over the years. 

"Do you?" she whispered, her voice low, "still want me?" 

As he leaned closer, her breath heated his lips. His words tumbled out softly. "If I understand you correctly, there's only one way to answer that question."

She trembled. Kathryn Janeway actually trembled in his arms as she asked, "And how's that?" 

He leaned forward, and kissed her gently before he whispered the words he'd wrapped around his heart for so many years. " _ I do." _


End file.
